Crazy Bullet Dodged!

I almost forgot! For those of you who haven't had the chance to talk to me or see my cabarets in the last month, you may not know the latest of my romantic debacles!! I'm kinda glad that I had actually forgotten about it when I was posting the latest post! I assume that means it is no longer in the forefront of my concerns.

I had reconnected with an old boyfriend from college recently and we embarked on a rekindling of the relationship. It was so great to reconnect and although he seemed to be all guns fast forward in the beginning I kinda caught up to him. It felt so nice to have someone seem to feel love for me and appreciate me. To keep the story short, the basic crux is I believe he's got some major mental issues to deal with and he told me he couldn't get it up or keep it up because I was "extremely overweight". You should read the long crazy email he sent me, explaining himself! Whew! Thank God I dodged that crazy bullet!

This is the thing. I don't think there are many people who are truly without sensitivities or insecurities based on their appearance. But, someone who chooses to be in a relationship with someone even though they know there are not physically attracted to them, but doesn't reveal it until they are naked in bed with them? hmm...yeah, not classy, not caring and downright mean. I can't say it all didn't affect me, because it did. But, once I got a hold of what was a true reality and not his opinion, I could see the problems he faces. And I am happy to not have to deal with those.

I don't workout because he made me feel bad about myself. I was already working on it. But, now I do have an extra "fuck you, just you wait and see" bug that is buzzing a little bit inside me. But, he doesn't really get that much of me. He deserves none of me. I'm doing this for myself and my life will always be full of special, caring and wonderful people. He's not one of them. Besides, now I've been able to sing Goldrich & Heisler's fabulous song, "Fifteen Pounds" and have a great back story for it! His lesson, you ask? Don't date a cabaret artist, fuck with them and expect to not get in the show! Welcome to the freak list!

Kickin' some Box Ass!

Time seems to keep going by so swiftly! I have now been in Hoop Dee Doo for over a month! Feels like I'm almost never there, being that I only work 3 nights a week there. The show was a great reminder of how bad my cardio status has been over the last years. I used to keep saying that I had been out of shape for 2 years. I'm almost afraid to calculate how long it REALLY has been. But, I guess in the honor of full disclosure, let's see! It must be '07. That was when I did the Dublin Marathon in October and then the 13.1 w/Donna in JAX that Feb. of '08. So, let's say it's been 3 years since I've been physically active on a regular basis. Not as bad as I was thinking it might be, but yet, bad enough!

That being said, the show is helping me with cardio and breath support while dancing. During the break where I was too busy to work out with Chill I only gained 3 of the 15 pounds back. Not bad! It feels so good to be back working out with Chill!! He's so amazing and we have such great gut laughs along with the grunting and pushing! He's incorporated kickboxing into parts of the workout which kicks my ever lovin' ass! But, it's great! I am forcing myself to be patient as my body slowly adjusts to the KBox workout again. Because, when I am in the shape where I can really push myself and my limits in that workout, it makes me feel so empowered and satisfied! Patience, patience, patience!

Chill thought I was ready to get back into a class again so I joined him in a class and it was great! It was so nice to see Louie, who had been a fellow classmate with Mike Bell, years ago! Now he's the instructor! Good for him! He did a great job with the class. I tried to make sure I wasn't hitting or kicking too hard as I didn't want to injure myself like I had the last two times I went back to kickboxing. It felt so great to kick and punch and I really concentrated on form and technique as opposed to power for that class. Wellll.....I was sore that day, but by that next morning I felt like the honey badger had gotten a hold of me and given me a Cesarean section!! My muscles (you know those long diagonal muscles in the lower abs) were so sore and sensitive that I was having trouble even taking a poop!! And that wasn't hard pushing!!

Getting out of bed? Don't even talk about it! Getting up after sitting for long periods of time? Oy! Trying to find a waistband that wouldn't squish my swollen muscles in my down times? Forget about it! I kept searching for bruising or lumps...but nope, I had just "technique'd and form'd myself into a sore mess!!

After the 2nd day of sheer pain I got some relief. I had another appt. with Chill on the Tuesday and survived through the workout, including some kicks. By that next week's Monday, I was ready to take another kickboxing class. That was yesterday and I am sore, but not debilitated, thank goodness! And today I had another great workout with Chilly Willy! It's so fun to take KBox class with him too! It's like I get extra friend time! I don't know what fabulous thing I did in another lifetime, but I am so very, very lucky to have amazing friends like Chill!

Personally, it's nice to feel my muscles again, even the soreness. And seeing my ab definition just waiting to be chiseled out again is exciting and inspiring. I also bought a Food Saver so I can stop wasting veggies that I don't get a chance to cook or eat. Overall, I am doing a clean up in my life! Lose the weight, gain the strength, organize my finances, eat & drink the healthy balance. I need to make a vision board! I'll put that on my extensive list of things to do!!

I am also so very proud of my friend, Robin, who has been working out with Chill in preparation for her wedding! She was the most beautiful bride this past Saturday!! She had worked so hard and looked stunning in that dress!! Brava and thank you to Chill!! He is the BOMB!!!

Still tickin'!

Hi! Forgive me followers, for I have sinned. I haven't been to see Chill to workout for way too long due to a busy ass schedule. But...the good news is that I have been able to keep the 15 lbs. off and I have been to Planet Fitness to do the eliptical and my herbals have been helping me flush all the crap out! Literally! Wooh! My clothes feel so much better too and I can see my ab definition starting to come back!

I am excited to say that I will be starting a new job in a couple of weeks that will free up my schedule so I can have more time to work out with Chill and do cardio! The job will be physically demanding too so that will help get more activity. Maybe I should sign up for a 1/2 marathon to give myself a goal! It would feel good to be running again!

Tonight was a night of grilling veggies for the week. God, do I love veggies!!! They are just so fresh and grilling them just makes them that much more exciting! I also love the market where I get my produce! Eat More Produce on Mills in Orlando is just so great! Great produce, great service and terrific locally grown and organic choices!

So, let's hear it for possibilities! I'm gonna be kickin' ass and takin' names this Spring!! I'm gonna get that body back if it kills me!! Or, if Chill kills me!!!

Ciao, bloggers!

andi

New Year, New Me!!

It's been a while since I've blogged but it's not that I haven't been thinking about you all!!! AND, it doesn't mean I haven't been working on this little project of mine either! Let's see...to summarize, I've lost 7 lbs and kept them off even through the holidays!!! My favorite part about that is that I can pull my jeans off without unbuttoning!!! THAT is a perk I can handle!!

Working out with Chill has given me so much more confidence again. It sounds strange, but I really enjoy feeling the soreness of my muscles. It's almost as if I was walking around like a vapor before and now my body is slowly coming back into existence! Scheduling during the holidays can be rough, but we managed to get sessions in and they are always a blast!!

I was doing very well with my eating and drinking until Thanksgiving when I was bowled over by the death of a very close friend. All I wanted to do was cry, eat and drink. And, so I did. Holidays are always a bit stressful and melancholy but this grief and a full work schedule had my head swimming out of control. So, I took a break. I went home after work everyday to retreat, cry and hide. I couldn't even muster up the energy to attend the holiday parties for work. Stuck under the phantom elephant foot I felt on my chest, I became more and more aware of MY life's direction through the dense fog of grief.

What was I doing? What was coming next? Could I possibly survive another breakneck paced busy year? What should I focus on? I had really wanted a full-time position as an American Idol Experience Judge because of the shorter day's schedule, but that didn't pan out for me. So, again I was faced with the obstacles of time management for all I planned to do this coming year. So, I rested. I slept. I cried. I clung to friends that knew Desmond to share stories and memories. I spent time with close friends here and laughed.

December was a lot of traveling and work so my refrigerator stayed pretty empty and I was eating out or at gatherings. I love to cook and I missed having vegetables in the house. So, the other day I went back to my favorite produce place on Mills, "Eat More Produce" and stocked up on fresh, locally grown and organic veggies to make soups to freeze!!

So, although I haven't finalized my career goal focus for the year , I do know that I am committed to continue working out with Chill, doing more cardio and keeping my eating and drinking at smart levels! Oh, and Santa...if you can guarantee that I'll get laid ever again, this year would be a nice start! Thanks!